Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
