vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
