I looked at my own cervix.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
