Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
