I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
