my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
