lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
