Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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