Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
