i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
