It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
