My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
