i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
