I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
