check it out our google latitudes are spooning
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
