well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
