8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
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Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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