Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
