You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
