OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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