Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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