If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
