I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
