we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The Olympian is in my bed
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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