There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
