i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
