talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
