I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
