If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
