Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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