he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
