I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
