Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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