I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
