i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So vagazzling was a success
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize