Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
