ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
