Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I will pee on everything he values.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
