he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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