So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
