big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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