My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
