I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
