I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
