Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
