I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
