How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
