I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She announced her abortion via fbk
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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