haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
