Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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