I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
