Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
