grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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