stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
