Dude my mom stole all your condoms
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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