dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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