everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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