Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
