So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
