We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
