Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
