I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
MIDGETS
????
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You ruined the universe
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
