Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
