go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
