butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
