I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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