i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
