in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
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I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
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Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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