dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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