your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
