so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
