I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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