I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
