I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
