3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
