I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
