yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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