He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
