apparently the secret to your success is patron
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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