Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
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