I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
