you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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