The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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