you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
