watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
